Introduction – Belated

Someone pointed out to me that I had not introduced myself, nor given enough information about why I am doing this blog – its context, in other words. Good points.

I am an adoptive parent of kids (all boys) – now long grown – from the foster care system. I also, as I referred to in the first post, have the experience of being given a second mother, after my first one died. Although never legally adopted, I became a permanent member of my second family. I am also the director of the adoption-from-foster-care-program of Family Focus Adoption Services, working with families in eastern NY, and based in Queens, NYC.  Adoption from the foster care system is my primary interest and focus.

Although informed by my many adoption experiences, I don’t think this is necessarily going to be an adoption blog.  That’s why it is not being posted on the Family Focus website (  Keeping the two separate seems to me to give me more freedom of subject for the blog. Time will tell if that turns out to be true. And, of course, it also means that what I say are my own views, beliefs, and perspectives, and not the official stance of Family Focus.

Nonetheless, there are many adoption issues that I would like to explore using this blog.   What is the difference between attachment and love?  Is there one?  How do you explain to a child or youth, like my seventeen year old in the first entry, that it is never ever ever the responsibility of a child for the ending of an adoptive relationship?  Or any parental relationship for that matter?  How do you teach the kids that they are never to blame for their own familial situations?  How do you teach them that blame is not the issue anyway?  That responsibility and blame are not the same thing?  How, in short, do we free our kids from being trapped by their histories?

Big questions, big issues. Let’s see how this blog evolves over time.  I write not knowing who will read this blog, or when. I welcome any feedback anyone wishes to send.


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